The Great Giggler, Turn that frown upside-down!

A few people you may not want to go drinking with.


"I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti."

"I literally forgot his name and just started calling him Waffles."

"My mouth tastes like poor choices."

Stage directions, taken from actual movie scripts.



A very weird woman greets at the door. She should be very gaunt and nervous, sort of like the MGM executive on this picture.


He sees a woman in the alley, picks up a rock and throws it at her. (If you use my ex-wife, I'll throw the rock.)

Subject: Qantas Airlines: Repair Division

Remember, it takes a college degree to fly a plane but only a high school diploma to fix one.
After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a "Gripe Sheet" which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems; document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the Gripe Sheets before the next flight.
Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humour.
Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas' pilots marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute
Descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what friction locks are for.

P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget
pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.

Mwahahahaha!

I hope they gave him something new. Like a power drill.

This is funny. And then it starts singing.

You never knew Bowser could sing, or that he *sniff* cared so much.

I found a new favorite filk. Or maybe it's just an updated version.

Internet Killed the Video Star

They are really funny until I remembered I'm terrified of flying! :P